The word ‘conflict’ is used in so many ways that I’m conflicted as I try to make sense of it (ok, that was a ‘tongue-in-cheek for my good friend Jim Holland). For purposes of this post, ‘conflict’ is a mental struggle resulting from incompatible or opposing needs, drives, wishes or demands. It’s manifest in both internal and external ways; internal conflicts based on our beliefs and ethics, and external conflicts between individuals, groups or countries.

What if conflicts at home, conflicts at work, and conflicts in the world stem from the same root cause? What if we systematically misunderstood that cause? And what if, as a result, we unwittingly perpetuate the very problems we think we are trying to solve? The Arbinger Institute answers these important questions in the book The Anatomy of Peace: Resolving the Heart of Conflict. The book teaches important principles through an intriguing story of parents who are struggling with their children and with problems that have come to consume their lives. We learn from once-bitter enemies the way to find peace whenever war is upon us. Yusaf al-Falah, and Arab, and Avi Rozen, a Jew, each lost his father at the hands of the other’s ethnic cousins. The Anatomy of Peace is the story of how they came together, how they help warring parents and children to come together, and how we too can find our way out of the struggles that we face.

Through its story the book lays out key principles that can help you resolve any conflict. It talks about decision points that play a critical role in avoiding conflict and helping us for healthy relationships with the important people in our lives. When we choose to act contrary to our sense of what is right, we commit what the book calls ‘self-betrayal,’ which leads us to do things to cover up our choices. Over time these choices can lead us to behaviors that are detrimental to some or all of our relationships.

When we make good choices we free ourselves from a “heart at war” where we see other people as objects that are either detrimental to us, or as things we can use for our own benefits. Good choices lead to a “heart at peace” where we see others as people with hopes, needs, cares and fears as real as our own. We focus on the good things that are happening in our lives and the people that are helping us.

“Lasting solutions to the battles in our workplaces, homes and battlefields will come only as we end the war in our souls.” The Anatomy of Peace goes into rich detail about the negative effects of conflict, and more importantly how we can resolve problems before they even start. The compelling story draws you in and helps you feel what the characters are feeling, from problems with children to conflicts with executives in the boardroom. You will benefit significantly from reading and understanding this book.

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The Product Management Perspective: Product managers play a key role in the culture of the teams they work with. PMs have the power to resolve negative conflicts and lead their teams to a unity of purpose.

Conflicts will arise. Some will say that “conflict is good” for the process. I agree it’s healthy to get all the ideas out on the table, have spirited discussions about the opinions, and defend your data and experience. However, you should never let conflict into the process. In other words, treat others as people and respect their points of view.

Tenacity fuels persistence. Persistence is analogous to running a marathon. To run a successful marathon you have to spend ample time (months or more) preparing. The time you spend, and what you do leading up to the race, will determine how well you perform during the race. To succeed in leadership you have to work hard and continually hone your interpersonal skills. You find ways to motivate successful teamwork and positive interaction. Persistence means you keep at it (whatever ‘it’ is) for the long haul.

But there’s something more about tenacity (than just persistence). Tenacity means believing in yourself when others doubt you. It’s giving that extra bit of effort at the critical moment. It’s fighting through the pain, the doubt and the discouragement when things don’t go exactly how you expect. Tenacity requires that never-give-up effort that pushes you to go beyond what you thought you were capable of doing.

How will you show tenacity in 2012?

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The Product Management Perspective: Tenacity is key for creating great products. Product success does not come overnight, but instead comes over time, through consistent application of sound principles. Let tenacity drive your product vision; your company (and its shareholders) will thank you.

There’s nothing wrong with winning, and if you go into business (or anything for that matter), you need to focus on succeeding. However, success at all costs is not worth the price. If you place all your focus and desires on winning you will ultimately lose – friendships, relationships, and possibly even your sanity.

UNLESS you focus on helping other people win. You need to have the vision, and have a huge desire to succeed, and then help other people win as you go. You need to share your vision of success with others and help them find the desire and drive to succeed.

Here’s simple way to help others succeed: once a week for the next three months write a recommendation for someone on LinkedIn. Make sure your endorsements are meaningful and sincere, and be creative in the ways you give praise. You will make a lot of people happy and will help them in their careers. You will see the value you’ve created for others as they respond in kind.

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The Product Management Perspective: Good product managers know their success depends on the work – and success – of others (dev, QA, support, etc.). One of the best (and easiest) things you can do is acknowledge the contributions of others on the team. Make sure the VP of engineering knows how much you appreciate the developers working on your products. Tell the VP of sales how the account manager helped you with a customer. You get the picture. Make sure you’re generous in sharing success with your teams.

I was first introduced to the statement ‘leadership is a relationship’ in the book The Leadership Challenge by James Kouzes and Barry Posner. The authors go into great detail about the importance of building camaraderie among the people you are leading. When you have a meaningful relationship with another person you work more effectively together. You have a common goal and a consistent purpose. Your efforts are channeled toward the same common outcome.

Effective leaders recognize the importance of building solid relationships. They spend time focusing their efforts in key areas that will build connections with the people they lead. Here are three simple tools that great leaders use to improve their working relationships:

• Listen: Leaders let other people talk and they pay attention to what they’re saying. They remove anything that would distract from their conversations and focus on what people are trying to convey.
• Understand: They appreciate what other people do and value their contributions. Leaders are not only open to new ideas but are also eager to learn new things. They know that taking the time to understand where people are coming from will pay dividends in the long run.
• Acknowledge: Leaders acknowledge the contributions of others. They are quick to give credit to others for their successes. They celebrate achievements and delight in the accomplishments of their team. They know that people will be more motivated to work hard and try new things if their leader acknowledges their efforts.

What are you doing to build effective relationships?

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The Product Management Perspective: Product managers depend on others in engineering, marketing, sales, etc. for their success. This dependence makes building relationships essential. People are assets; the only way to effectively work with others is to build positive, effective working relationships. Listen to them, consider their circumstances, show empathy, then move forward and make decisions that will be beneficial for everyone in your organization.

A recent experience caused me to think about my own confidence level. I realized it had been ebbing. I spent time reflecting and made a few changes that helped significantly. I learned a lot through the process.

Here are three things that will help to build your confidence:

• Form a support team. Hang out with people who will build you up. Attitudes rub off. The more you’re around people who believe in themselves, the more you’ll see your own potential. Seek out people who will challenge you and make you better.
• Focus on your strengths. Look for the things you do well. Give yourself credit for your strong points. Build on past successes.
• Trust yourself. You know what you do well and what you can do better. As you work to build your confidence, believe in your own abilities.

You have a lot to offer. Take confidence in your ability to do great things.

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The Product Management Perspective: Confidence is an essential characteristic for product managers. PMs drive the product roadmap, which has a major impact on the overall success of the company. Their confidence is key to creating successful products.

Following the 15 Minutes Including Q&A model helps you focus on the audience’s key business issues. What are the three things you want the audience to remember? Give clear direction; your presentations will resonate with the audience. Here are the five steps for the presentation part (seven minutes) of Asher’s 15 Minutes plan:

1. The Hook – 30 seconds: Describe the business issue.
2. The Preview – 30 seconds: A quick overview that details how you plan to solve the problem. Give the audience three thoughts they must remember above all else.
3. The body of the presentation – five minutes: Go into detail about each of the three key points (or “bumper stickers”). Give a few sentences of explanation, and then give evidence in support of your point.
4. The Recap – 30 seconds: Remind the listeners of the three key points.
5. Call to action – 30 seconds: End by telling your audience the next steps.

The “secret sauce” of Asher’s plan is the second half, the Q&A. “Q&A is the element that fills the gaps and gives a robust feel to your presentation.” This is the opportunity for you to answer all the audience members’ questions and give them confidence in your message. It also helps them understand your message and intentions more clearly.

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The Product Management Perspective: Product management presentations usually focus on product features and direction, and rarely focus on the key business issues. In most cases, delivering seven-minute presentations will not only get your message across more clearly but also rivet the main points more clearly and strongly in the minds of the listeners. Plan short presentations and then engage your audience in dialog to fill in the gaps and answer all their questions. They will appreciate you for it and your value in the organization will increase.

I know some of you who hold the title of “Product Manager” might cringe at the thought of me calling everyone a product manager. You have spent years learning, working and driving to become market experts, and have accumulated significant experience releasing products and solutions.

So why do I assert that everyone is a product manager? Because every person is responsible for managing his or her own contribution to the world. This contribution is, in a sense, the product they provide to the world — the product called “Me.”

The seeds for this idea were planted back in 1997 when I read the Fast Company article “The Brand Called You” by Tom Peters. In this article Peters described how the focus of business had long been on the big brands and the “behemoth companies” that spent millions building brand awareness. But that focus on the big brands was starting to change. “The good news — and it is largely good news — is that everyone has a chance to stand out. Everyone has a chance to learn, improve, and build up their skills. Everyone has a chance to be a brand worthy of remark.”

Most people probably don’t think of themselves as a product manager — perhaps engineer, accountant, salesperson, executive or some other title fits more comfortably. When it comes to creating your own success, the ‘product’ metaphor is useful. Here are a few ways to manage and improve your “product” more effectively:

• Do market research: Discover your strengths and talents. Find out where you can make the biggest difference and add the most value to the world.
• Create requirements: Create a list of requirements. Do an honest evaluation and come up with a list of things you need to succeed in your desired market (or job). Make a commitment to improving in each area.
• Define your roadmap: With a solid understanding of your strengths and unique abilities, write your ‘roadmap’ to success. Define your goals and write a plan to achieve them.
• Develop a Win/Loss attitude: This is similar to a win-win attitude, but with a measure of humility that allows you to learn from failures. Everyone willing to try new things will have setbacks and will even fail at times. Seek to learn from every experience.
• Launch your product: Don’t hesitate to try new things or to take on new responsibilities. Products that churn in “development” cannot take off. Don’t be afraid to take the next step.

These are just a few of the areas you can use product management to improve your own ‘product.’ Art Petty said it well in a post about the pursuit of your own potential: “You work hard to manage your own brand.” Hard work and focus are vital to successful products.

Mark Sanborn writes that the essential adjective for brand success is ‘interesting.’ He says you need to make your brand interesting or people will not want to buy it. The same can be said about your ‘product.’ You need to build your skills and personality so that you catch the eye of others who are looking for what you can provide. If you are interesting to them they will want what you have to offer; they will pay money for your product.

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The Product Management Perspective: Product managers already know how to create great software and hardware products. Use these same methods to improve your own career. Spend some time on improving your own ‘product.’

We often study the principles of leadership in order to become leaders ourselves. However, as helpful as reading about leadership from a conceptual angle can be, the most effective way to learn is by example. Here are a few well-known leaders who are perfect examples of the saying, “Great leaders are made, not born.”

1. Steve Jobs

2. Henry Ford

3. Thomas Edison

There are millions of examples of successful leaders out there, and not all of them are as famous as the ones presented here. The key thing to remember about leadership, as evidenced by these inspiring lives, is that persistence in the face of failure, ridicule, or just regular old stagnation, and above all, trust in one’s self and others, is what separates leaders from followers.

This guest post is contributed by Anna Miller, who writes on the topics of online degree.  She welcomes your comments at her email Id: anna22.miller [at]gmail.com.

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The Product Management Perspective: These three leaders provide good examples of leadership in product management. Steve Jobs is a great (perhaps the best) example of understanding your markets. He understands his customers perhaps even better than they understand themselves. He is the master at anticipating future trends and turning them into reality. Henry Ford became the subject matter expert not just in cars, but in getting cars to market at a low-enough price that consumers could afford to buy his products. He took calculated risks and was rewarded accordingly. Thomas Edison brought new meaning to the word ‘persistent.’ He continually looked for new ways to do things, and never settled for ‘good enough.’ He was the thought leader of his time. Learning and implementing behaviors from these (and other great) leaders will improve your success as a product manager.

Perhaps the most common measurement of business success is ROI — return on investment. When it comes to relationship economics, Spaulding introduces a different concept — Return on Relationships (ROR). According to Spaulding, ROR comes in many forms and should be as important to individuals and organizations as profits, revenues and ROI — because with out generating ROR, the ROI won’t matter. He cites as proof a 2007 Gallop Management Journal survey that estimates that “actively disengaged workers” cost the U.S. economy about $382 billion annually. Developing relationships drives engagement (in school, in work, in personal lives) that pays dividends.

Spaulding describes relationships in terms of a five-floor building. The deeper the relationship, the higher the floor. While relationships seldom fit into a nice, tight definition, the “Five Floor” plan provides definition and gives boundaries that define relationships:

• First Floor: We meet and greet. We exchange business cards. It typically involves a transactional exchange.
• Second Floor: We begin sharing more information, but it’s very basic information; the type dispensed out of social obligation or because it’s a job requirement, not because we’re offering some insight into who we are.
• Third Floor: People develop an emotional comfort level that goes beyond facts and information. We learn about the lives of our co-workers, vendors and clients and other professional associates. We begin to understand something about who they are as people, even if we don’t agree with all their opinions.
• Fourth Floor: These relationships take on a deeper, more significant meaning. We share common interests, goals, beliefs and causes. At this level we’ve learned to work through conflicts, and we respond in ways that show we value the relationship for its own sake.
• Fifth Floor: These relationships go well beyond Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends & Influence People. In these relationships, vulnerability, authenticity, trust and loyalty are off the charts. They are relationships built on shared empathy — an intuitive understanding of each other’s needs, even those that aren’t necessarily expressed. We literally “feel” another person’s state of mind.

Success, in any endeavor, requires effective relationships. Leadership grows and develops through building effective relationships. I highly recommend It’s Not Just Who You Know as guidebook to building effective relationships and increasing your leadership potential.

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The Product Management Perspective: Building effective relationships is absolutely crucial for success in product management. Product managers rely heavily on other people — engineers, sales people, support, etc. — to ship successful products. PMs that focus on building strong relationships experience more success. PMs who build consensus and inspire team members develop a high ROI on their products and ROR with their colleagues.

• The number of people reporting up through the organization
• The quantity or amount of product or services produced
• The “bottom line” or income produced by the company
• The number of links, references or accolades to the leader or the organization
• Other methods that focus on things and not people.

These are all valid and important ways to measure leadership, and many others exist. However, the true — and more telling — measure of leadership is long-term and cannot easily be seen. Leadership is best measured by what you leave behind.

Some people become frustrated by the lack of immediate results. The thought of waiting months or years to see the results of their labors is discouraging. However, if you look at the actions and attitudes of people whom you consider true leaders, you will find they focus on building others. They put as their first concern the growth and development of the people with whom they interact. The results of their success carry forward through the people they have influenced over the years.

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